My love notes

Why sometimes you just need to check out

Hi Love,

It seems that in the past weeks, we’ve been hearing more and more about rape culture. Whether on our Facebook timeline, or in major news outlets, this taboo issue has managed to cross over into mainstream.

For us survivors, this can be bittersweet. Although we know that breaking the silence around rape and abuse is a must for our societies to rid themselves of these ailments, hearing about it in a context where abusers often have as much if not more air-time than the survivors can be retraumatizing.

Whenever I see a headline about survivors denouncing their trauma, my heart is filled with so much love and pride for them. But within a split second, these emotions are replaced with fear. Fear of how the journalist will choose to handle their piece and fear of the backlash our societies reserve for such denunciations. Will the survivors be blamed, or put on trial on the public arena while the abusers will automatically be given plausible deniability?

Can you relate?

When these fears are confirmed, that’s when I decide to check out and encourage you to do the same.

Yes, we are survivors and yes, we are intrinsically part of these conversations. But we also get to choose when and how we engage with them. No one has the right to make us take part in them or pay attention to them. We do it at our time, at our own pace, when and if we feel like it and always, always, always, guilt-free. Sometimes, checking out is what feels right. It helps me regroup and center myself.

So this week, let’s think of what we can do when we feel the need to check out. Identifying a go-to feel-good thing before we get triggered can really go a long way. I call it my Self-Love Emergency Kit. It can be meditation, writing in our journal, taking care of our flowers, watching a funny TV show (have you seen Insecure??), and the list goes on.

I foresee that we’ll hear more and more about rape culture. For this reason, I think that we have to make the time to take care of each other more than ever and allow ourselves space to determine how we want to engage (or refrain from engaging) with this new reality.

Our Self-Love Emergency Kits can play a key role in this.

What will you put in your Self-Love Emergency Kit? I want to hear all about it. Share it with the rest of us on Facebook!

Have a wonderful, self-love filled week.

With so much love and admiration for your journey,

Nydia

Welcome tenderness and kindness

Happy Monday love!

I hope you are off to a good week.

To help you with this, every Monday I share a self-love affirmation of the week on the Love U Mvt’s Facebook Page.

I don’t know if you can relate, but for me, accepting acts of kindness and tenderness isn’t always easy.

It could be as small as someone holding the door for me to a boo thang showing me love. To this day, I have to make a conscious effort to not outright refuse such gestures.

What a beautiful struggle :)!

As a survivor, there’s a part of me that’s almost instinctively critical of acts of kindness.

Is it the same for you? If it is, we may think that we are protecting ourselves from future harm by always having our guards up, but what we’re actually doing is depriving ourselves of beautiful winks from the universe reminding us that we are love. The more we welcome them, the more we’ll come to expect them and come to accept that we are deserving of them.

So this week, let’s try to keep an eye out for acts of tenderness and kindness. Let’s observe how we receive them. As the words “No thank you” try to roll off our tongues, let’s swallow them whole and replace them with “Yes, thank you.”

It may be weird or uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get the hang of it love 😉

Let me know how it goes.

Have a wonderful week!

With love,

Nydia

What’s your spirit flower?

Hi lovely!

Today, I wanted to let you in on one of my self-love secrets. Are you ready? Let’s go.

It’s all about Flower Power!

I don’t know if you noticed, but I kinda have a tiny, little obsession with flowers lol.

Have you ever looked at a flower and thought to yourself: “Damn, that flower is ugly!” ? I doubt it, lol! They come in different shapes, smells, sizes, and colours, but all exude a unique essence of beauty. Some grow in arid conditions, like cactus flowers, others in water-rich environments, like water lilies. They adapt to their environment and thrive with the resources they have available to them.

To me, they’re a beautiful reflexion of us, beautiful beyond measure in our own unique way, regardless of where we’re from.

But sexual trauma may have affected your perception and appreciation of yourself, to the point that you’re struggling to see your beauty, whether inner, outer or both.

So here’s something I started to do that helped me a lot.

I found my spirit flower and have it around the house at all times. Yes, spirit flowers are a thing, just google it and you’ll be amazed!

For many, flowers are a way to connect with their spirit and are a sort of reflexion of it. Personally, I was never really into flowers, until one day I had to take care of an orchid. Goodness gracious, that was something else!

Orchids are a bit… difficult to put it nicely. You may think everything is going fine, until one day, their flowers start dropping like it’s hot!

A few orchids later (yep, a few), I finally started to understand this picky flower. I couldn’t just rush into taking care of it, I had to first get to know it and be attentive to what it was telling me. The more I got to know orchids, the more I recognized myself in them. Plus, from a certain angle, orchids really resemble female genitalia.

So taking care of my orchid quickly became part of my self-love work post-trauma. Just looking at it makes me feel warm inside and reminds me of all the steps I’m taking to give myself the love and attention I deserve.

Having it around the house is also a constant reminder of my inner beauty. If I’m having one of these days where I don’t see it in myself, looking at it shifts my perspective.

Do you already have a spirit flower, a flower that you feel deeply connected with? If you don’t have one yet, what’s your favorite flower? Chances are that it’s your spirit flower.

When you’ve identified it, get one for your place, for work too if you want and let the spirit flower lovin’ begin!

Share your flower with the rest of us on our facebook group.

See you there!

With love, always,

Nydia