My love notes

Taking care of yourself when rape culture is all over the news

With the recent Weinstein scandal, sexual assault has been on everyone’s timeline. For us survivors of sexual traumas, this can be bittersweet. Although we know that breaking the silence around rape and abuse is a must for our societies to rid themselves of these ailments, hearing about it in a context where abusers often have as much if not more air-time than the survivors can be retraumatizing.

Whenever I see a headline about survivors denouncing their trauma, my heart is filled with so much love and pride for them. But within a split second, these emotions are replaced with fear. Fear of how the journalist will choose to handle their piece and fear of the backlash our societies reserve for such denunciations. Will the survivors be blamed, or put on trial on the public arena while the abusers will automatically be given plausible deniability?

Can you relate?

When these fears are confirmed, that’s when I decide to check out and encourage you to do the same.

Yes, we are survivors and yes, we are intrinsically part of these conversations. But we also get to choose when and how we engage with them. No one has the right to make us take part in them or pay attention to them. We do it at our own pace, when and if we feel like it and always, always, always, guilt-free. Sometimes, checking out is what feels right. It helps me regroup and recenter myself.

Checkout can take many shapes and forms but identifying a go-to feel-good thing before we get triggered can go a long way. I call it my Self-Love Emergency Kit. It can be meditation, writing in a journal, taking care of flowers, rewatching a favorite TV show, and the list goes on.

I foresee that we’ll be hearing more and more about rape culture. For this reason, I think that we have to make the time to take care of ourselves more than ever and allow ourselves space to determine how we want to engage (or refrain from engaging) with this new reality.

Our Self-Love Emergency Kits can play a key role in this. If you don’t know where to start, 21 Days of Self-Love is a great place to start. It’s a free 21-day challenge where you receive right in your inbox exercises to help you (re)build a loving and nurturing relationship with yourself.

I created this challenges because when I realized how much my self-love tank was on E, I didn’t know how to fill it up. The tips I share will help you jump start your self-love journey and make putting yourself and your wellbeing a priority easier and clearer.

The challenge starts on December 1st. Save your spot here and tell a friend. I know doing this work can be intimidating, but you got this love and you don’t have to do it alone.

Looking forward to walking with you on your path to unapologetic self-love.

Make Me Time a Priority

Hey lovelies!

This week’s affirmation is: I make me time a priority.

With everything going on, make sure to book yourself some me time this week.

Just like the saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” implies, being the amazing person that you are who can positively impact your surroundings means making time to tend to your needs a priority.

It can be 15min of silence where you can journal, meditate and/or pray; a 30min walk outside; preparing yourself a healthy breakfast. The choice is yours love!

So go on love and pick your me time for the week!

Share them here and if you’re in need of ideas, download your free Self-Love Starter Kit here –> www.loveumvt.com

Invest your time and energy

 Self-Love Affirmation of the Week

I invest time and energy in my well-being.

Learning how to put ourselves first requires intentional efforts because it’s unnatural for so many of us. We’ve internalized so many messages telling us that we do not deserve to be happy or loved.

Changing our ways won’t happen overnight, but the time and energy we invest in reversing these thoughts are necessary for us to get there.

If it’s hard for you to get going, block a time of the week off for your self-love work. Consistency is the key to creating your self-love habits.

What simple new self-love habit can you create this week?

Let your heart guide you

Hey love!

I hope this new year has started well for you.

Here is the self-love affirmation of the week:

I let my heart guide me through this self-love journey.

Your heart, on top of ensuring the proper circulation of your blood through your body, plays a role that we intuitively knew, but that science has only confirmed recently.

Equipped with its own brain, the heart communicates directly with the brain and the rest of our body to send them its own messages.

As survivors, we may have taught ourselves not to listen to it in order to protect ourselves and not be vulnerable.

The reality is that our heart is like a compass that seeks to lead us to more joy and happiness. So embarking on a self-love journey is also relearning to listen to your heart and let it play the role it was set out to do.

One way to do this is to listen to our intuition more and more. Start slowly if you’re not used to it. When you have to make a decision, try to go with the option that naturally comes to your mind, your “gut feeling”.
Acting in this way will help you better discern the voice of your heart and thus enjoy all the love and happiness you deserve.

Have a heartfelt week 😉 .

Celebrate the person that you are

Hi love!

Here’s a self-love affirmation for the week: I celebrate the person that I am.

The year is quickly coming to an end and with this, comes our customary review of what we accomplished in 2016.

If you’re like me, this review is sprinkled with some harsh self-criticism. “I should’ve done X”, “I wasn’t Y enough” or “I failed to be Z”, and the list goes on. I truly believe that in reality, had I accomplished X,Y or Z, I still would’ve found something to criticize about myself. That’s because celebrating myself is a struggle while being hard on myself is soooo easy.

And, you guessed it, being a survivor amplifies this dynamic.

So as we walk through this time of the year where opportunities for self-criticism abound, let’s make self-celebration our thing.

Here’s what I do: I think of three things that I really love about myself. I then repeat them to myself followed by a strong and heartfelt “You’re awesome!” with my arms way up in the air!

Give it a try! Repeat this as often as you can.

Additionally, you can write them down and post them on your bathroom mirror, on your journal or on your daily planner.

You got this love! You’re awesome!

Your happiness lies in the present

Happy Monday Lovelies,

Here’s is a self-love affirmation for the week: My happiness lies the present.

We hear it all the time: “be in the now”, “live in the present” and so on and so forth, but if your brain is wired like mine, staying in the present isn’t as simple as these affirmations make it out to be.

You see, worry is my middle name and I definitely believe that being a survivor has a lot to do with it. My brain is constantly trying to disaster-proof my life by enumerating every, single, thing that could go wrong for every, single, decision I have to make, from the smallest to the biggest. And if something actually goes “wrong”, I dwell. Oh, do I dwell on it, forever and ever and ever.

Can you relate?

If you can, you’ll agree that it doesn’t leave much time for the present and that’s not ideal. The present is where past hurts and worries about the future don’t exist. It’s where all the noise is replaced with a peaceful silence and where we can fully appreciate the simplicity of our existence, one heartbeat at a time.

In other words, it’s where happiness lies.

But how do you stay in the present? For me, what works is closing my eyes and taking 3 deep breathes. What about you?

Let’s try to this throughout the week, especially when our brains go into overdrive.

Looking forward to hearing your tricks and how it goes for you.

Have a present week

Contemplate how far you’ve come

Hi lovelies!

It’s already the last Monday of the Month!

So let’s use this opportunity to contemplate how far we’ve come.

This week, let’s try to think about all the beautiful things we did in November to take care of ourselves and make self-love part of our routines.

If you journaled this month, look back at your self-love wins and celebrate them.

It’s easy to get caught up and only focus on where we want to go, but let’s always remember that it’s all about the journey. So whenever you get the chance, celebrate the steps you are taking to love yourself fully, as you should!

Share with the rest of us what your wins were this month!

Looking forward to cheering you on love.

Have a celebration-filled week! You have so much to be proud of love!

Trust the simplicity of life

Happy Monday lovelies!

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, sprinkled with love and tenderness towards yourselves.

Here’s a self-love affirmation for the week: I trust the simplicity of life.

I don’t know for you, but for me leaning towards simplicity isn’t always easy.

Because of my life experiences, I’m used to the idea of always having to be ready to fight and the worst case scenario being the only scenario.

But as I embarked on this self-love journey, I realized that I thought this way because deep down, I didn’t believe that I deserved simplicity, that somehow I was destined to live a complicated life. So when faced with difficult situations, I only envisioned complicated outcomes.

Can you relate?

Allah, God, the Universe, our Ancestors, the higher forces we believe in want us to be happy and live a life of abundance. If we believe that, then we start to trust the simplicity of life. We begin to trust that simple scenarios are all around us, waiting for us to realize their existence.

This week, let’s try to look at the different situations we are dealing with and think of simple ways we can resolve them. Let’s come back here and share how it goes, ok?

Have a simple week lovelies!

Happy Holiday Season

Hi love, I wanted to share this message with you.

I hope you will find time to recharge during this holiday season and that you will not hesitate to put your well-being first. You deserve moments of joy, love, and serenity and that’s what I wish you.

Your happiness and your peace of mind are the most beautiful gifts you can offer the people you love the most, so don’t hesitate to put yourself at the center of your decisions.

With full love.

Trust the timing of your journey

Here’s an affirmation for this week: I trust the timing of my journey.

At times, it can be easy to get discouraged about where we are at on our journey.

We can compare ourselves to others who on the surface, have a similar path than us, and who seem to be “further” ahead.

We can get frustrated with ourselves as the same issues keep popping back up, issues we thought we had processed, reprocessed, de-processed and post-processed to the bone!

It’s ok love.

We each have a unique path to follow. No one has ever walked in your shoes and no one ever will. That means that there is no set agenda for you to follow on your self-love journey.

This week, when we catch ourselves being frustrated with ourselves and disappointed about our “progress”, let’s try to remember that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

Let’s have an awesome week!